Merry Christmas To Me =___=;;posted Dec 25th 2008, 5:10PM
Mood: Unhappy
Music: I Can't Do it Alone - 3Oh!3
My journal on dA only tells the happy side of my Christmas.
But because I don't want to cause drama (because I'm more active there than here) and I NEEEED to vent this or I'll just explode, I'm posting the horible half here.
This morning, oh, 3 am. I had a severe headache, didn't fall asleep until 4, woke up a 6 because I heard my dogs tearing paper downstairs.
We open gifts (THAT FREAKING EARLY IN THE MORNING)
And everything had gone well, until my grandparents stopped over.
Being honest, my mother's side of the family is a bit..odd.
Not saying my father's side is any better.
Honest in my opinion, both sides need counseling and mangament.
Mothers side:
Cares too much about money, material objects, and enjoyment. Carefree and doesn't even care what happens to each other until it's too late. Joke around so much it HURTS people and they're so careless they can't even tell.
Father's side: Emotionally hurts people by saying before speaking. Could care less about other's opinions. Religous background but often doesn't show it.
Mom wants a divorce. She's said it a lot. Infact when I was 4 and we lived in this really red house, she asked me once how I would feel if I got to live in two houses. I'd get to travel back and forth between them.
Now her thinking I was stupid and didn't know that she meant a divorce, thought that I would think it was simply traveling (she knew I liked to travel).
Well, I was always a bit more keen on things than the normal person my age because I lackd siblings and often taught myself lots.
I had read in a magazine I found in their bedroom a few weeks before this incident about divorce and how to bring it up to a young child. This was one of the methods she was using and that I had read about.
So I just plainly stated "You wanna divorce dad?"
For the next several years, just about everyday they were home together was a nightmare. Tears, screams, financial debt, my dad drinking more, and me locking myself as far away as possible.
The only thing keeping them from seperating was that I would cry at the mere subject. And since I'm practically the only thing they have in common anymore, that's the only reason they're still together.
But it's sad, they practically hate each other yet they torture themselves like this.
At first, I was crying at the idea, but the more I thought about it, it's not right if they're unhappy and together just for my sake.
I'd rather them seperate if that's what makes them truely happy.
<///<;;...
So, now I get to the point of my journal.
Of all days, the subject was brought up TODAY on CHRISTMAS.
My grandparents stopped by, my dad can't stand them, and he'd had enough of it apparently, so he told my mom that when his sisters would be coming by later that evening that he didn't want her parents to intrude because he rarely sees his family.
THEN they have the nerve to bring ME into the situation to accually choose SIDES.
Of course my answer is just a walk up the stairs and a close of the door.
What could I say? It's not like they've listened to me in debates like this in the past.
And things had been going so well.
They hadn't argued in over 3 years.
I counted.
Because 3 years ago I remember I was finally able to stop crying myself to sleep, like I had every night from ages 4 to 11/12-ish.
(Did I mention they haven't even slept in the same room together in the past 8 years?
Or even so much as said GOOD MORNING to each other?
Honestly it hurts everytime I look at them because it reminds me that they're basically depressed with the other being so close.)
But, what can I do.
I offered marriage counseling.
Denied.
I told them seperate.
Denied.
I told them stay together.
Denied. (WTFFF)
I don't even know how they go about with their answers anymore. THey just block out EVERYTHING I say.
Well.
3 more years and I can move out. Becoming 18 isn't -that- far away I guess. ;///;...
And when I do, I'm moving out.
I can't stand living here anymore.
It just...it just hurts.
It's like everyday they stab me with their pain.
And all that pain just piles up on top of each other until you have this huge ugly blob of pain.
Merry. Christmas. To. Me...
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